Blessed are the geek - Review of 2006

It seems as though my extended absence from the blogosphere has led to rejection from my beloved warm (but insecure) untidy audience and the usual flood of comments has slowed to a trickle, to a drip and then stopped.

It would appear that my "Idiot's guide to blogging" was correct in it's assertion that if you leave off your blog for more than a few days your loyal fans will desert you quicker than Chesney Hawkes' fans deserted their idol.

(It has been calculated - scientifically, by REAL scientists - that the shortest length of time measurable by any device is a millisecond [a thousandth of a second]. The next shortest measurable length of time was Chesney Hawkes' pop career. It would have been shorter, but a woman in Solihull was a bit tardy in winding-up the fanclub).

I'm told that the reason why such Blogs become moribund (apart from a tendancy to have a random 'go' at obscure 80s popstars) is that people get bored waiting for posts and drift off to pastures new...

In an effort to stem the tide I thought i'd do something a bit different and give you my potted review of highlights (and lowlights - assuming that there are such things as lowlights) of the year 2006....

Firstly, the highlights....

HIGHLIGHT 1. BLOGGING

I had to choose this, obviously. The opportunity to write one's hopes and dreams (as well as one's weak puns and facile observations) on the internet where they are read by precisely no-one is just too go0d to be true...

...plus, it keeps me off the streets. God knows what i'd be doing otherwise.

HIGHLIGHT 2. TOASTED CHEESE SCONES AT 'TEBAY' MOTORWAY SERVICES

Okay, I know that this is obscure - but 'Tebay' services is an important stop between Manchester and Scotland and their cheese scones taste really, really good. The coffee shop was closed when we visited there one time, and Tallulah and I nearly cried (then we found some in the restaurant and there was much joy).

PLUS if I mention them on my blog I might get some free!

Damn, just remembered I'm anonymous.

HIGHLIGHT 3. THE FILM 'THE PRESTIGE'

In a year when film quality seemed to be at an all time low (Actually, I quite like 'bad' movies so perhaps i'd better say "at an all-time mediocre") this one was a bit of a pleasant surprise. An adaptation of a Christopher Priest's novel about feuding Victorian stage magicians, it was intelligent enough to show you the plot twists relatively early on as a way of distracting you from the OTHER plot twists....

...and any film audacious enough to cast David Bowie as Nikolai Tesla (and get away with it) gets my vote.

HIGHLIGHT 4. THE CONTINUING SUCCESS OF DOCTOR WHO

What was that? - The sound of a science fiction series getting critical acclaim from 'cool' people who wouldn't even admit to watching a sci-fi show two years ago? The sound of a science fiction series being a huge ratings success? The sound of a sizeable adult audience shamelessly tuning in to what is ostensibly a kid's show?

Have I wandered into a parallel universe?

(See lowlight 4 however)

HIGHLIGHT 5. THE SONG 'MONSTER' BY 'THE AUTOMATIC'

The noughties (i.e. from 2000 onwards) have so far been remarkably short on hum-able indie anthems. This is the most recent one I can remember - and it's fiendishly got into my brain!

(Having said that it's realtively easy to get into my brain - I spent most of yesterday humming the theme tune to 'Thundercats')

All together now - "What's that coming over the hill?......Hmm Hmm Hm Hmmmmmm"

And lowlights....

LOWLIGHT 1. I-POD INSTRUCTION MANUALS

I've had to contend with two of these in the past year (neither pods were mine, sadly) and I can report IKEA finally has competition in terms of wilfully obscure instruction booklets. The I-pod were designed by a genius - the instructions were, however, written by his 5 year old son using a crayon and his own snot.

LOWLIGHT 2. THE WORLD CUP

Normally this would _not_ really be a lowlight - in the same way that Middlesborough is _not_ really a lowlight. In both cases one knows where it can be encountered and thus one can avoid it quite easily.

No, the reason why the world cup is a lowlight is that Tallulah and I had the misfortune to be in Dublin during the last week of the aforementioned sporting tournament. I foolishly thought that the fact that we were in the capital city of a country that wasn't even competing would protect us from exposure but no, it was impossible to escape it's clutches or (more importantly) sink a quiet pint of guinness.

LOWLIGHT 3. THE FILM 'NACHO LIBRE'

It's probably unfair to single this out as a lowlight because there were much worse films released during 2006.

The first reason i've picked this film is that this (unlike the aforementioned worse films) I paid money to see it, hoping for a Napolean Dynamite style minor hit.

The second reason is that it didn't even live up to my low expectations.

LOWLIGHT 4. THE LENGTH OF TIME ACTORS STAY ON DOCTOR WHO

First Christopher Ecclestone, then Billie Piper and now David Tennant - despite it's huge success no-one appears to be able to keep with the show for longer than two series.

I wouldn't mind, but they always say that "they feel it's time to move on" - at least be honest and say "It paid the bills and got me noticed but i'm leaving now as I want to be taken seriously as an actor by my pretentious friends who laugh at my sci-fi schenanigans and who won't appear in anything that doesn't involve emotional anguish, class-struggle or ruffs".

LOWLIGHT 5. CHANNEL 4 LOSING SERIES 3 OF 'LOST' TO SKY

Roughly equivalent to SKY going round to the houses of every terrestrial viewer's house and ripping the last three chapters out of all their un-read books.

Still, at least we're spared the annoying gits in the '118 118' adverts.

There we are - any suggested additions or subtractions can be offered by the magical medium of the 'comment' facility. Go on, you know you want to...