Well shucks and gosh - isn't it a long time since I last posted?
I wish that I had an excuse for this.
I could claim to have been busy - but I've not been particularly busy.
I could claim to have been working on building up my army of atomic-powered badgers for the day when I intend to wreak badger-flavoured mayhem - but that would be absurd (or perhaps that's what I want you to think).
The truth is that inspiration has been lacking - and life has taken on a post-Xmas 'meh' feeling. Even the thrills of augmenting burrowing mammals with tactical thermonuclear weaponry begin to pale.
January is an odd month - it starts off with all the bells and whistles of New Year, but when you're past all that you are left with the sinking feeling that you only really have Burn's Night before the prospect of a stale chocolate egg in a couple of months time.
Luckily Tallulah and I have our anniversary in March! Hurrah!
Anyway, I've spent the last month or so as I spent most of last summer - studiously trying to avoid watching Big Brother.
It seemed to be a particularly difficult task this time around as, thanks to the shameful behaviour of some really rather ignorant and hateful housemates, Big Brother - or rather it's celebrity incarnation - seemed to have colonised current affairs programmes as well.
I won't comment on recent events except to admit that I succumbed in a small way recently and watched one of the housemates (you know the one) on her eviction interview. I wanted to see how the programme makers would handle such a situation and I was reasonably satisfied to see that she was closely questioned and forced to see herself making the comments and the reaction they had provoked.
Many have commented on the irony that the career of the individual in question was 'made' by the programme and this career now appears to have been broken by it too. Even more ironically the reverse is true - her third series antics made the programme's reputation (such as it was) and now appears to have damaged it severely.
Big Brother is an odd TV programme - the Marmite of televisual broadcasting. You either love it or hate it - in fact I'd go so far as to say that people either seem to love it or react to the very mention of the show as if someone had pulled down their pants and defecated in front of them. Some people also proudly announce the fact (quite loudly) that they've never seen more than a snippet of it - often before you've asked them.
I, on the other hand, have no time for such shameless TV snobbery and admit to having been a past Big Brother fan. I loved the experimental format of series one, tired of series two, rekindled my affair with series three, and then got addicted to series four (when, briefly, a student from my old university looked likely to win). As a result decided to gradually wean myself off the show until I reached the point where I didn't see any of series seven AT ALL.
I wish that I could say that I stopped watching it because I felt it was a tasteless programme, that it took up too much time, that the programme had been turned into a money-spinner or that it had become cruel and arbitrary in it's attempts to grab ratings. All these comments are true - but that's not why I stopped watching.
Truthfully - and it's a rather sad truth - the reason that I stopped watching the show is that I felt that the mere fact that I admitted to watching it led people to make judgements about me. It became a bit of a joke and I became so tired of the shocked "You can't really mean you watch that? - you're reasonably intelligent" response that I gave up trying to argue the point. The fact that I used to watch series one with my late father meant that the "Only stupid people watch the show" argument didn't go down well with me either. It seemed easier to 'go with the flow' and drop my not-so-secret shame.
Stopping watching Big Brother remains the only time that I've ever altered my behaviour or modified my taste to 'fit in' with the prevaling mood. While I'm glad, in retrospect, that I jumped ship before the programme really began plumbing the depths I still see my decision as a betrayal of my personal principles and one I'm (frankly) embarrassed to admit to.
A lot of people seem to think that 'Big Brother' is the worst thing to have happened to television - part of an unspoken theory that merely showing it on Channel 4 has lowered BBC's house prices. It is apparently the nadir of British televisual entertainment and the herald of a coming apocalypse and all of these opinions become harder to deny after the recent debacle. After all, the programme makers could have - and should have - stepped in sooner to deal with those involved in the comments.
Personally, I now think that Big Brother was a once-entertaining television show that's now getting increasingly desperate and nearing the end of it's life. The choice of abrasive housemates and an increasingly manipulative Big Brother means that the programme seems to have become the show it was always depicted as being in the tabloid newspapers - it's just unfortunate to reflect that there are people who don't realise it was ever anything else.
Therefore, I feel, another summer of avoidance beckons...
Tuesday 30 January 2007
Tuesday 16 January 2007
The links effect
Just a quick note in order to draw the attention of the inattentive amongst you to the crop of freshly garnered links currently adhered to the left of this blog.
"What!" you cry to yourself in astonishment and alarm "there are other blogs beside 'The Geek Shall Inherit the Earth? Do any of the others fulfil our needs in terms of weak puns and poorly-informed rants in the same way you do?"
Well no, actually - but some of them are rather good!
FRIED GREEN TOMATOES is the blog of the light of my life/my long-suffering partner (delete as applicable) Tallulah. Am I worried that she's named her blog after a film about a woman who goes crazy with an axe? - YOU BET I AM.
What you can learn there: How to wear fabulous shoes while coping with a partner who thinks posting photographs of Dalek bubble-bath containers on the Internet is a worthwhile way to spend an evening.
MANTUA MAKER is the blog of a friend of mine who is (quite frankly) the font of all textile and soft furnishing knowledge. In fact she's rather TOO fond of textiles - don't leave her alone with your scatter cushions unless they are old enough to know sin!!!
What you can learn there: The latest in textile and craft design PLUS 101 uses for a codpiece!!!
GRUBLOG is the blog of aforementioned friend who (in this blog) turns aside from the path of textiles and chronicles her own personal gastronomic journey. (i.e. it's about food).
What you can learn there: How to eat well (and co-ordinate your meals successfully with the tablecloth).
See you there soon!
"What!" you cry to yourself in astonishment and alarm "there are other blogs beside 'The Geek Shall Inherit the Earth? Do any of the others fulfil our needs in terms of weak puns and poorly-informed rants in the same way you do?"
Well no, actually - but some of them are rather good!
FRIED GREEN TOMATOES is the blog of the light of my life/my long-suffering partner (delete as applicable) Tallulah. Am I worried that she's named her blog after a film about a woman who goes crazy with an axe? - YOU BET I AM.
What you can learn there: How to wear fabulous shoes while coping with a partner who thinks posting photographs of Dalek bubble-bath containers on the Internet is a worthwhile way to spend an evening.
MANTUA MAKER is the blog of a friend of mine who is (quite frankly) the font of all textile and soft furnishing knowledge. In fact she's rather TOO fond of textiles - don't leave her alone with your scatter cushions unless they are old enough to know sin!!!
What you can learn there: The latest in textile and craft design PLUS 101 uses for a codpiece!!!
GRUBLOG is the blog of aforementioned friend who (in this blog) turns aside from the path of textiles and chronicles her own personal gastronomic journey. (i.e. it's about food).
What you can learn there: How to eat well (and co-ordinate your meals successfully with the tablecloth).
See you there soon!
Tuesday 9 January 2007
Blessed are the geek - Review of 2006
It seems as though my extended absence from the blogosphere has led to rejection from my beloved warm (but insecure) untidy audience and the usual flood of comments has slowed to a trickle, to a drip and then stopped.
It would appear that my "Idiot's guide to blogging" was correct in it's assertion that if you leave off your blog for more than a few days your loyal fans will desert you quicker than Chesney Hawkes' fans deserted their idol.
(It has been calculated - scientifically, by REAL scientists - that the shortest length of time measurable by any device is a millisecond [a thousandth of a second]. The next shortest measurable length of time was Chesney Hawkes' pop career. It would have been shorter, but a woman in Solihull was a bit tardy in winding-up the fanclub).
I'm told that the reason why such Blogs become moribund (apart from a tendancy to have a random 'go' at obscure 80s popstars) is that people get bored waiting for posts and drift off to pastures new...
In an effort to stem the tide I thought i'd do something a bit different and give you my potted review of highlights (and lowlights - assuming that there are such things as lowlights) of the year 2006....
Firstly, the highlights....
HIGHLIGHT 1. BLOGGING
I had to choose this, obviously. The opportunity to write one's hopes and dreams (as well as one's weak puns and facile observations) on the internet where they are read by precisely no-one is just too go0d to be true...
...plus, it keeps me off the streets. God knows what i'd be doing otherwise.
HIGHLIGHT 2. TOASTED CHEESE SCONES AT 'TEBAY' MOTORWAY SERVICES
Okay, I know that this is obscure - but 'Tebay' services is an important stop between Manchester and Scotland and their cheese scones taste really, really good. The coffee shop was closed when we visited there one time, and Tallulah and I nearly cried (then we found some in the restaurant and there was much joy).
PLUS if I mention them on my blog I might get some free!
Damn, just remembered I'm anonymous.
HIGHLIGHT 3. THE FILM 'THE PRESTIGE'
In a year when film quality seemed to be at an all time low (Actually, I quite like 'bad' movies so perhaps i'd better say "at an all-time mediocre") this one was a bit of a pleasant surprise. An adaptation of a Christopher Priest's novel about feuding Victorian stage magicians, it was intelligent enough to show you the plot twists relatively early on as a way of distracting you from the OTHER plot twists....
...and any film audacious enough to cast David Bowie as Nikolai Tesla (and get away with it) gets my vote.
HIGHLIGHT 4. THE CONTINUING SUCCESS OF DOCTOR WHO
What was that? - The sound of a science fiction series getting critical acclaim from 'cool' people who wouldn't even admit to watching a sci-fi show two years ago? The sound of a science fiction series being a huge ratings success? The sound of a sizeable adult audience shamelessly tuning in to what is ostensibly a kid's show?
Have I wandered into a parallel universe?
(See lowlight 4 however)
HIGHLIGHT 5. THE SONG 'MONSTER' BY 'THE AUTOMATIC'
The noughties (i.e. from 2000 onwards) have so far been remarkably short on hum-able indie anthems. This is the most recent one I can remember - and it's fiendishly got into my brain!
(Having said that it's realtively easy to get into my brain - I spent most of yesterday humming the theme tune to 'Thundercats')
All together now - "What's that coming over the hill?......Hmm Hmm Hm Hmmmmmm"
And lowlights....
LOWLIGHT 1. I-POD INSTRUCTION MANUALS
I've had to contend with two of these in the past year (neither pods were mine, sadly) and I can report IKEA finally has competition in terms of wilfully obscure instruction booklets. The I-pod were designed by a genius - the instructions were, however, written by his 5 year old son using a crayon and his own snot.
LOWLIGHT 2. THE WORLD CUP
Normally this would _not_ really be a lowlight - in the same way that Middlesborough is _not_ really a lowlight. In both cases one knows where it can be encountered and thus one can avoid it quite easily.
No, the reason why the world cup is a lowlight is that Tallulah and I had the misfortune to be in Dublin during the last week of the aforementioned sporting tournament. I foolishly thought that the fact that we were in the capital city of a country that wasn't even competing would protect us from exposure but no, it was impossible to escape it's clutches or (more importantly) sink a quiet pint of guinness.
LOWLIGHT 3. THE FILM 'NACHO LIBRE'
It's probably unfair to single this out as a lowlight because there were much worse films released during 2006.
The first reason i've picked this film is that this (unlike the aforementioned worse films) I paid money to see it, hoping for a Napolean Dynamite style minor hit.
The second reason is that it didn't even live up to my low expectations.
LOWLIGHT 4. THE LENGTH OF TIME ACTORS STAY ON DOCTOR WHO
First Christopher Ecclestone, then Billie Piper and now David Tennant - despite it's huge success no-one appears to be able to keep with the show for longer than two series.
I wouldn't mind, but they always say that "they feel it's time to move on" - at least be honest and say "It paid the bills and got me noticed but i'm leaving now as I want to be taken seriously as an actor by my pretentious friends who laugh at my sci-fi schenanigans and who won't appear in anything that doesn't involve emotional anguish, class-struggle or ruffs".
LOWLIGHT 5. CHANNEL 4 LOSING SERIES 3 OF 'LOST' TO SKY
Roughly equivalent to SKY going round to the houses of every terrestrial viewer's house and ripping the last three chapters out of all their un-read books.
Still, at least we're spared the annoying gits in the '118 118' adverts.
There we are - any suggested additions or subtractions can be offered by the magical medium of the 'comment' facility. Go on, you know you want to...
It would appear that my "Idiot's guide to blogging" was correct in it's assertion that if you leave off your blog for more than a few days your loyal fans will desert you quicker than Chesney Hawkes' fans deserted their idol.
(It has been calculated - scientifically, by REAL scientists - that the shortest length of time measurable by any device is a millisecond [a thousandth of a second]. The next shortest measurable length of time was Chesney Hawkes' pop career. It would have been shorter, but a woman in Solihull was a bit tardy in winding-up the fanclub).
I'm told that the reason why such Blogs become moribund (apart from a tendancy to have a random 'go' at obscure 80s popstars) is that people get bored waiting for posts and drift off to pastures new...
In an effort to stem the tide I thought i'd do something a bit different and give you my potted review of highlights (and lowlights - assuming that there are such things as lowlights) of the year 2006....
Firstly, the highlights....
HIGHLIGHT 1. BLOGGING
I had to choose this, obviously. The opportunity to write one's hopes and dreams (as well as one's weak puns and facile observations) on the internet where they are read by precisely no-one is just too go0d to be true...
...plus, it keeps me off the streets. God knows what i'd be doing otherwise.
HIGHLIGHT 2. TOASTED CHEESE SCONES AT 'TEBAY' MOTORWAY SERVICES
Okay, I know that this is obscure - but 'Tebay' services is an important stop between Manchester and Scotland and their cheese scones taste really, really good. The coffee shop was closed when we visited there one time, and Tallulah and I nearly cried (then we found some in the restaurant and there was much joy).
PLUS if I mention them on my blog I might get some free!
Damn, just remembered I'm anonymous.
HIGHLIGHT 3. THE FILM 'THE PRESTIGE'
In a year when film quality seemed to be at an all time low (Actually, I quite like 'bad' movies so perhaps i'd better say "at an all-time mediocre") this one was a bit of a pleasant surprise. An adaptation of a Christopher Priest's novel about feuding Victorian stage magicians, it was intelligent enough to show you the plot twists relatively early on as a way of distracting you from the OTHER plot twists....
...and any film audacious enough to cast David Bowie as Nikolai Tesla (and get away with it) gets my vote.
HIGHLIGHT 4. THE CONTINUING SUCCESS OF DOCTOR WHO
What was that? - The sound of a science fiction series getting critical acclaim from 'cool' people who wouldn't even admit to watching a sci-fi show two years ago? The sound of a science fiction series being a huge ratings success? The sound of a sizeable adult audience shamelessly tuning in to what is ostensibly a kid's show?
Have I wandered into a parallel universe?
(See lowlight 4 however)
HIGHLIGHT 5. THE SONG 'MONSTER' BY 'THE AUTOMATIC'
The noughties (i.e. from 2000 onwards) have so far been remarkably short on hum-able indie anthems. This is the most recent one I can remember - and it's fiendishly got into my brain!
(Having said that it's realtively easy to get into my brain - I spent most of yesterday humming the theme tune to 'Thundercats')
All together now - "What's that coming over the hill?......Hmm Hmm Hm Hmmmmmm"
And lowlights....
LOWLIGHT 1. I-POD INSTRUCTION MANUALS
I've had to contend with two of these in the past year (neither pods were mine, sadly) and I can report IKEA finally has competition in terms of wilfully obscure instruction booklets. The I-pod were designed by a genius - the instructions were, however, written by his 5 year old son using a crayon and his own snot.
LOWLIGHT 2. THE WORLD CUP
Normally this would _not_ really be a lowlight - in the same way that Middlesborough is _not_ really a lowlight. In both cases one knows where it can be encountered and thus one can avoid it quite easily.
No, the reason why the world cup is a lowlight is that Tallulah and I had the misfortune to be in Dublin during the last week of the aforementioned sporting tournament. I foolishly thought that the fact that we were in the capital city of a country that wasn't even competing would protect us from exposure but no, it was impossible to escape it's clutches or (more importantly) sink a quiet pint of guinness.
LOWLIGHT 3. THE FILM 'NACHO LIBRE'
It's probably unfair to single this out as a lowlight because there were much worse films released during 2006.
The first reason i've picked this film is that this (unlike the aforementioned worse films) I paid money to see it, hoping for a Napolean Dynamite style minor hit.
The second reason is that it didn't even live up to my low expectations.
LOWLIGHT 4. THE LENGTH OF TIME ACTORS STAY ON DOCTOR WHO
First Christopher Ecclestone, then Billie Piper and now David Tennant - despite it's huge success no-one appears to be able to keep with the show for longer than two series.
I wouldn't mind, but they always say that "they feel it's time to move on" - at least be honest and say "It paid the bills and got me noticed but i'm leaving now as I want to be taken seriously as an actor by my pretentious friends who laugh at my sci-fi schenanigans and who won't appear in anything that doesn't involve emotional anguish, class-struggle or ruffs".
LOWLIGHT 5. CHANNEL 4 LOSING SERIES 3 OF 'LOST' TO SKY
Roughly equivalent to SKY going round to the houses of every terrestrial viewer's house and ripping the last three chapters out of all their un-read books.
Still, at least we're spared the annoying gits in the '118 118' adverts.
There we are - any suggested additions or subtractions can be offered by the magical medium of the 'comment' facility. Go on, you know you want to...
Wednesday 3 January 2007
Happy New Blog!
Well hello there again - I hope that you all had a very merry irrelevant midwinter festival of your choice and a happy new arbitrary mathematical adjustment of the date was had by all.
(There, that should appease everybody)
Me?... well thank you for asking. I made two noteworthy achievements during this festive period - spent with Tallulah's family in Scotland.
FIRSTLY (once more I run the risk of appearing twee) I visited a pantomime for the first time in over 25 years. A Scottish pantomime no less - 'Cinderella' in Edinburgh - and I have to say that it was a far classier event than anything you'd encounter in England.
English pantomimes have been in decline for a long time now and seem to exist in order to give desperate soap actors something to do at when they've been written out of a series (or give a change of scenery to still-popular soap stars whose characters mysteriously disappear to Manchester/Benidorm/Brigadoon/Mars for three months). The posters for English pantomimes are particularly awful - they seem as tired and desperate as the performers.
Anyway - THIS pantomime was silly and stupid and joyous and fun. There were live animals (which, disappointingly, did not defecate at any point), the odd risque joke, lots of slapstick humour, and even some unintentional merriment when Little Red Riding Hood fell over and had to be helped up by Cinderella's dad! Can't wait to go again.
(The one moment of cynical terror I experienced was when an obviously very middle class toddler - called Skye - was taken up on stage and used her fairy princess powers to make it snow. I can't help thinking that some very expensive therapy lies ahead for this child).
The SECOND noteworthy event was that at a Scottish New Year's party I was persuaded to conquer the icy fear which clutches my bowels and get up and attempt Scottish dancing again and I WASN'T THE WORST AT IT.
(As I write this I realise that the Scots, Irish and Welsh have always try to get me involved in their traditional music or dance but NOT ONCE has a fellow Englishman pressured me into trying Morris Dancing).
In any case, this was something of a breakthrough for me. My previous attempts at Scottish dancing have resulted in white sergeant's which are particularly undashing - not to mention my gordon's, which are quite resolutely heterosexual.
More soon.
(There, that should appease everybody)
Me?... well thank you for asking. I made two noteworthy achievements during this festive period - spent with Tallulah's family in Scotland.
FIRSTLY (once more I run the risk of appearing twee) I visited a pantomime for the first time in over 25 years. A Scottish pantomime no less - 'Cinderella' in Edinburgh - and I have to say that it was a far classier event than anything you'd encounter in England.
English pantomimes have been in decline for a long time now and seem to exist in order to give desperate soap actors something to do at when they've been written out of a series (or give a change of scenery to still-popular soap stars whose characters mysteriously disappear to Manchester/Benidorm/Brigadoon/Mars for three months). The posters for English pantomimes are particularly awful - they seem as tired and desperate as the performers.
Anyway - THIS pantomime was silly and stupid and joyous and fun. There were live animals (which, disappointingly, did not defecate at any point), the odd risque joke, lots of slapstick humour, and even some unintentional merriment when Little Red Riding Hood fell over and had to be helped up by Cinderella's dad! Can't wait to go again.
(The one moment of cynical terror I experienced was when an obviously very middle class toddler - called Skye - was taken up on stage and used her fairy princess powers to make it snow. I can't help thinking that some very expensive therapy lies ahead for this child).
The SECOND noteworthy event was that at a Scottish New Year's party I was persuaded to conquer the icy fear which clutches my bowels and get up and attempt Scottish dancing again and I WASN'T THE WORST AT IT.
(As I write this I realise that the Scots, Irish and Welsh have always try to get me involved in their traditional music or dance but NOT ONCE has a fellow Englishman pressured me into trying Morris Dancing).
In any case, this was something of a breakthrough for me. My previous attempts at Scottish dancing have resulted in white sergeant's which are particularly undashing - not to mention my gordon's, which are quite resolutely heterosexual.
More soon.
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