1898 Olympics

29 days to go...

Still addicted to the Olympics.

Having watched an Olympic news report the other night about the Victorian Olympics I was shocked to learn that Deer shooting was once an Olympic sport.

Deer shooting! That was a obviously a sport that the whole of the populace could empathise with!

Inspired by this most unlikely of revelations I put my mind to speculating what other events would be found on the 1898 Olympic roster.

Chimney sweeping (Time trial)
A popular event in which those damnable urchins the lower classes seem to constantly produce (probably as a primitive means of keeping warm) are finally put to some practical use in cleaning chimneys in a timely fashion. This season some of the more enthusiastic coaches have hit upon the idea of lighting the fire while the event is in progress as a form of encouragement.

Chimney sweeping (Rhythmic)
The rhythmic chimney sweeping event has nothing to do with actual chimney sweeping and is instead based on the sweep's ability to sing and dance (possibly about bamboo) while affecting a terrible east end accent and trying to seduce middle-class nannies. The Olympic council facing pressure this year to add similar events for other menial classes so they can, for instance, advise people about their matrimonial prospects for the following day.

Harlot Murdering
In which the competitor, a gentleman obviously, makes every effort to murder as many ladies of dubious virtue as possible while evading capture by those damnable peelers. Extra points are awarded for ingenious dissections. It is believed that the reigning Olympic champion, a Mr J.T. Ripper, has not yet collected his gold medal after his spectacular performance during the 1882 Olympiad.

Running, jumping, climbing trees...

34 days to go

Strangely addicted to the Olympics at the moment.

I don't know what it is about the Olympics that makes sport acceptable to me for a couple of weeks every four years. Perhaps that's my sport tolerance limit? Perhaps it's because the marking system of gold, silver and bronze is straightforward enough that I can bring myself to care - if you watch athletics at any other time it's more a case of "anonymous athlete A has run slightly faster than anonymous athlete B, hurrah!" but if there is a circle of precious metal at stake then I can fixate on that.

In any case, every four years I suddenly decide to take an interest in other people exerting themselves.

Where has this Team GB business come from? We all seemed to manage to call the athletes 'The British Team' in previous contests. Is the Olympic reporting airtime at such a premium that shorter team names are necessary?

In the London Olympics is the British team going to be called 'TGB' to shorten things further?

Where can we go from there? I can confidently predict that the British Team in the 2016 Olympics will be referred to by a short burst of static that sounds like a ZX81 loading.

Anyway, I'm off to watch the women's beach volleyball. I'd write more but I need both hands to type....